Originally published in MEDIUM, "Age of Empathy"
Escape From Gel Nail Manicure Hell
Words From a Former Addict
My name is Bonni. I am a recovered gel nail manicure addict. After several years of falling into this beauty trap, my fingernails sent me a message, loud and clear: They wanted to breathe.
No doubt, the durability of the gel nail procedure is remarkable. With it, you can confidently use your nails and not feel worried about scraping the crud from the bottom of dirty pots or even slamming your nails when you reach for the car door too fast. Put your piggies through practically anything, and your model-perfect manicure will remain intact.
How do you get gel nails?
The manicurist will remove any nail polish you have on, then soak your hands in a small, tepid, soapy water bowl that you only wish was large enough for your whole body. Finally, they clip any hangnails or overgrown cuticles. You are now ready to say goodbye to your natural fingernails.
Between the five layers of gel nail polish, you slip your hands into an ultraviolet oven contraption. This is a miraculous curing method that seals each coat. (In other words, you are “curing” your nails.) After two-plus hours, you are ready to join the Legion of Those Who Have Beautiful Nails.
You may hear the frequently asked question: “Are those your real nails?”
“Yes,” you respond. Go ahead. Hold them up so you can see, too. Your hands do look gorgeous.
Now, how do you get rid of gel nails?
Push forward three weeks. You are now crashing from the high of having stunning nails. The top gel starts chipping like broken china. Your under-nail has grown, and an unnatural ledge appears between the gel polish and your actual nail.
Against all warnings from your sister and friends — picking off the polish yourself is about the worse thing you can do. For it is also peeling off layers of your actual fingernails. The result is painful, and your nails will now be paper-thin.
So it’s back to the salon.
They take cotton balls soaked in high-octane nail polish remover and put them on top of each nail. Then the tips of your fingers are wrapped in aluminum foil, just like little potatoes at a clambake.
Minutes later, the aluminum foil is unwrapped. To your horror, the old gel nails look like peeling skin or wilted petunia petals. The Eggplant Violet color that looked so screamingly chic three weeks earlier now looks soft and wimpy.
Next comes the Dremel, which is a carpenter’s tool for sanding. Your “nail technician” drags the Dremel over the surface of your nail bed to smooth it out.
You will begin to see powder particles floating in the air. Those powder particles are your fingernails. You are breathing in your fingernails.
You promise yourself that you will stop doing gel nail manicures at some point soon. (Maybe after your birthday party. Oh, geez, then it’s the holiday parties.)
Three weeks pass, and you’re ready for a new set of gel nails. But you suddenly remember: WHY am I doing this again? Didn’t you promise yourself you would stop?
When the manicurist gets to the Dremel part to make your nails smoother, you get nervous. You ask in a tone that’s hardly audible.
“Can I just have a clear polish this time?”
Your manicurist smirks. You become paranoid. Seconds turn into minutes into hours. “But the gel nail lasts so much longer,” the manicurist says, looking straight into your eyes. You wince, then share the stare. “Please, just clear polish.”
Congratulations! You are now unburdened by the shackles of gel nail addiction.
Behold your new nails au natural! Get a load of those healthy-looking half-moons! Sure, your hands are less dramatic and glossy, but you have finally quelled your obsession.
You no longer have to put up with the annoying question, “Are those your real nails?”
Because, babe, you can finally say it. “YES!! These are my real nails.”
Bonni Brodnick is the author of “My Stroke in the Fast Lane: A Journey to Recovery” and “Pound Ridge Past, now in its second edition. She is an award-winning communications specialist and a member of the Pound Ridge Authors Society. Bonni is also an ambassador for the American Heart Association and a proud Stroke Survivor. Visit me at bonnibrodnick.com.
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