Go LAY Somewhere Else

Set the scene: 
I'm in a small theater for a screening and a woman comes in, takes the seat next to me, and whips out a bag of potato chips. The theater goes dark. She futzes around with the bag, yanking it until it opens. (Wait ... there's more.) When her fight with the bag is finally over, she "delicately" eats each potato chip. One. By. One. The sound of her chewing was unbearable. I felt like SCREAMING, "If you're going to eat that crap, go outside the theater where you don't have to be quiet." (But I didn't.)

"My Alarming Big, Heavy Pocketbook" (True Story)

                                                                                                                                                              PHOTO: LUCIA GIACANI


This is a true story.

The other day I got into my car and threw my big pocketbook on the empty passenger seat beside me. When I went into gear ...

Read my new post on MEDIUM: "My Alarming Big, Heavy Pocketbook."

It's just to frikkin' heavy.

Click here.

Jo's Rabbitude on "Medium Digest"

Artist #JoHay paints with a rare sense of rabbitude.

Read about her canvas-asional wit + magic.

Grab a carrot, take a seat, and click here ---> https://medium.com/@bonnibrodnick 

  

#artsy.net, #JoHay, #Rabbits

HUFFINGTON POST: "When You Die, Don't Leave Loved Ones in the Dark"

It was an uneventful Thursday until my best friend called ...

Click here for my new Huffington Post,  "When You Die, Don't Leave Loved Ones in the Dark."

Read it and weep. Then laugh.

Then do your homework.

Eavesdropping at the Hair Salon

         

     It was an ordinary Saturday at the hair salon. The sound of scissors snipping and the sent of hair spray filled the room that looked out onto Main Street. With protective baggies on the temples of my eyeglasses, I settled in to read the latest issue of Vanity Fair. Until the woman next to me started yakking about vaginas and vulvas.

     

     Stay tuned ...

Don't Hold Your Garden Bounty in My Face

Don't hold the bounty of your vegetable and flower garden up to my face on Instagram and Facebook. This year, I had the worst garden ever.

Above are my (sad) zinnias. Even with Deer-Be-Gone and No-Deer-Tonight, this usually flower-ful variety was nipped at all summer. I didn't get one damn bloom.

Here is but one of my withering hydrangeas. Last summer, they were bloomy. This summer, not so much. 

And last of all, I don't even know what this is. A mixed-breed Coreopsis Threadleaf and Long Island Daisies? Even the mulch has run away from their hideousness. To top it off, early-autumn leaves are beginning to fall on top of them. Poor things.

But I swear, I CAN garden!!  Here are shots from better, more fruitful seasons:

There's always next summer ...

Click here to end on a good note.

Huffington Post: They're BAAAaaaaaaaAAAck to School Nighmares

School bells are ringing, ringing, RINGING in my head. I'm late! I can't find my locker! Why am I wearing only one shoe? Where are my glasses? 

This is the nightmare that clinches my reveries every September. 

Click here for my Huffington Post, "Back to School Nightmares." 

Spit out the gum. Put both feet on the floor. Stop talking to your neighbor and complaining about the syllabus. 

Read on, fellow former and current students.  (And don't try to highlight sections on your screen with a yellow marker. It doesn't always erase. We'll learn more about that in science class next week.)